To be Water

To be able to contrive the path desired,
and to dance and frolic about it.
To be able to mirror the sky,
the trees and even the mighty sun,
When it wishes to be concealed.
To be able to transmit and refract,
when it wishes to be known.
To be able to absorb any stone pelted,
and to simmer down with ripples.
To be able to die and ascend,
to form pale ghostly heaps above.
And to dive down violently,
to slake the thirst for life.
To bend, twist and swirl,
to its whims.
To be Water.

The Cigarette

Roasted, crisp and fresh you are
when you are released from the pack,
And placed upon the hands of the smoker.
You smell like a firm plant,
your essence mild and rough.

Your journey begins when you're lit
the flame ignites the madness in you,
the air that you breathe,
makes you feel powerful and majestic,
you feel like you own the world around you.
Ferrying even the smoker
to a different world.

But you tend to forget that,
you are just a mere substance,
burning to its end.
you are a skinny tool,
made just to satisfy him.

Your journey lasts
until he smokes you to death.
Now you are just air,
waiting to spark another one of your kind.

People and Trees

Breathing the same air
But mounted apart
On the same plane
Some cheery, but some melancholic.
Some clustered, but some alone
Silence prevails
Untill the gust flies.

The Creature

A creature from the south of Vindhyas,
of an amusing nature
and with a cheerful countenance,
moves around hunting for fun.
Usually restless and active
the creature seldom stays at a place,
hence sleeps like a sloth.
Its impetuousness is marveling
with the other creatures growing cautious with age,
but the creature is as wise as an Owl.

It resolutely looks to connect
with all the other different species
and talks with unrestrained delight.
Just when it's presence is felt profoundly
it vanishes slyly
and rushes towards its small cave.

The creature seems always to be merry
and to be spreading joy.
But when closely observed,
it is revealed that it weeps too,
alone and rarely with the other animals.
It shares happiness but rarely its sorrows.
It enjoys being independent
and modest, sometimes more than what is required of it.

The bird brained creature,
beautiful as it looks with its hair left open to sway,
is fond of a certain ornament,
a sagging earring in a conical dome shape.
Wearing these metal droplets on its ears
it hops around, swinging them,
exciting the jungle with its ideas.

As peculiar as it may seem as a creature,
it is infectious to follow it.
It is relishing.
I have learnt immensely observing it,
surveying its movements and behavior.
The energy that I consume in doing so
is more than compensated by the energy that it shares.
It is an inspiration.
Continue to exist.
Continue to breathe and hunt.

Drought

With a dry head and a sour heart
I walk the slope
without knowing where it takes me
I am poor, without hope.

Lost in thoughts I take my seat
my face soaked in sweat
sweltering heat.

The preaching starts
people are absolved
I space out
and, nothing gets solved.

This goes on
things don't change
I revisit fantasy
nothing there as well.

I go back to bed
wrapped up I lay
Dreams repeat
tomorrow is same as today.

Uncertainity

I don't know. It's a weird feeling. Something which is similar to a depression, but very subtle. Something hard to explain, but experienced by all. I can say that because of my instincts. I feel this a phase which everyone in their 20's would have gone through. You can call it a quarter life crisis, mid-life crisis or an existential crisis. Names are many but I feel the state is the same. The state of uncertainty. Simply put, a phase a where you don't know what you are doing.

There are many movies on it. millions of articles about it online, but none with a simple solution. Eventually it is about you and only you. If you can crack what the great puzzle of life is then you have found peace in life. If you haven't then you are desperate. Desperate to know what it is all about. Why are we alive? What are we doing? Where are we going? What should we do? There are a bunch  of such questions which keep pestering you. Knocking on your soul every now then trying to grab your attention.

But they are just a manifestation of your anxiety. The earlier you heed to these calls the earlier you crack the puzzle, hence the earlier you find peace. But it has not been easy for me though. As I said earlier, everything seems to involve uncertainty.

Sometimes I feel uncertainty is a great feeling, because there is nothing much to expect of it. But is it?

Am I just new to the line or waiting in an adjacent one? I don't know

But amidst all this there is one thing I am sure of

That I am 'uncertain'.

Four mugs of beer

I'm high. I just had 4 mugs of beer, but still high. It's something more than alcohol which brings me to this stage. It's probably because I drank, drove a black piece of junk ( my black kinetic zoom, well actually it's my father's) and didn't speak a word about what I felt, with the "girl whom I liked". She was all the time with me, 15 minutes to be exact, the time taken to travel from sports bar in park square to her place near graphite India, Balaji pg, the place where I lived for a month, thinking that I could get close to her , but. ...I didn't dare. I didn't dare to get close to her and I didn't dare to tell her about it when she was with me on the way back home. I just didn't...

I don't know what it is that stopped me or that has been stopping me from telling her about it. I wouldn't have probably even written about this if I wasn't drunk right now. I keep thinking what that is that restricts me from telling her what I truly feel about her. I remember her telling me,  every time I probed her about what she feels about love, relationships and things like that,  that she doesn't want one. That she has had enough with this guy of hers with whom she was when she was studying engineering in Mysore. Mysore. .. she was in Mysore for four years and I was in Bangalore, 143.1 kms(to be exact) away from her from 2009 to 2013, and I googled it just now. Anyway coming back to what I was saying, she was fed up of this whole relationship concept , and so, wanted it no more. Trust me, that really made me not to tell her about what I felt about her, when I was riding my bike with her, just an hour ago, and during the 5 months I spent with her and even when I partied with her on the new year's night.

 Not only that, my confidence too Held me back always. I was and presently I am not confident about telling this girl what I really feel about her. I just feel so frustrated about why I hold my self back every time. There was this Angel sitting right behind me and I am in my so called " Tiger state" after having four mugs of beer and yet.... I was such a pussy... I just didn't do it. All that I should have done was to have stopped my bike, removed my helmet and told her what I really felt about her.

But...I ....didn't....
I just.... didn't.


P.S. : my vocabulary is not that of an average Blogger, and here I have, just tried to put forth what I felt. Thank you.